This post was last updated on January 4th, 2022 at 10:46 pm

*Updated 12/17/16

The birds and the bees talk is not exactly the conversation I am most dying to have with my kid! I’ve been putting it off for a long time. And, now I feel I’m like I’m backed into a corner.

birds and the bees talk
A kiss is just a kiss – or is it?

My daughter’s 4th grade class and every 4th grade class in the district, is about to embark on the S.H.A.R.E program – Sexuality, Health, and Responsibility Education . When we were kids it was called SEX ED. And, let me point out, when we were kids it was taught in 6th grade not 4th grade- what the hell! My daughter still believes in Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny and now she’s going to learn about sex. F.U.C.K literally!

Read: Texting Acronyms For Parents of Teenagers

I suppose we can opt out of the S.H.A.R.E program, but then she will be THAT kid. Even if she does opt out, she’s still going to hear every last detail of the birds and the bees talk from friends.  That’s not including the conversations on the bus ride home from school. I’m pretty sure she learns a whole lot more than I’m aware of while riding the school bus every day. For the past few weeks I’ve been researching “sex ed” books and talking to parents with older kids who’ve been through S.H.A.R.E to find the best way to explain the birds and the bees. It’s different now, then when I glossed over “special hugs” when she asked how her brother got in my tummy at age 4.

Birds and the Bees Talk

As the countdown clock ticks away to S-Day and my daughter starts talking more and more about the upcoming program, I really start to feel the pressure to beat the school to the punch. So, last week I went for it.

We were on our way to piano class – a 20 minute ride from school – when she brought up the program again. So I asked her what she knew of it? I was curious, how much did she already know? Could I escape the talk? She said they were going to learn about their bodies and babies and suff like that. So, I ask her if she knew how babies are made? From the backseat I got a “yesssss, grossssss!” So now I put her on the spot. Ok, tell me what you know. She says, “when you are older, like when you are married and stuff you swap germs by kissing.” How can the school take away this naïveté?

My response was “well not exactly” and then I froze up. Everything I was planning to say got tossed out the window.  What she heard was “boys put their pee pee inside the girl’s vagina and release a sperm which mixes with the egg and nine months later a baby is born.”

SILENCE! That’s all I could hear from the back seat until we got to piano. Then, she grabs her books, hops out of the car and before she closes the door says, “that is so gross. I’m never having kids.”

Mission accomplished for now. I’ll save the Santa talk for another day.

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